Happy Halloween

What can come of a forced happiness? Not much worth taking home, or to north carolina evidently. Lonliness still finds me, and wins me occasionally and now. Fights are getting old, but ill keep it up till I wont have to. Till im figgin neo, and the matrix folds over onto itself. Cant let em spill my blood unless I want them to, and even then I wont go easily. You cant keep me from this. You cant keep me from here. Take my lady and my love, and my motivation, but never my will to create. To discover. I’ll be a poor prolific some bitch before there’ll be sky that I don’t emit my genius into. That’s right I said it. A hag. A whore. A beggar, and a blind man, but a genius says I. Crippled by his own devices. Standing on wet feet from scrathing my ears with my toes. They’re looking for him now. But he’s not there. I’m here, and I’m not him. I told you you wont find me in the same place twice EVER! I’m learning languages, and techniques to talk you into tasting my talons. Die bitches. Fuckers wanna bury me under the contracts of a soul signed away for false dreams. I’m not him! I’ll settle his debt to honor his memory, but he’s gone!!! I tell you now. Fear has fixed itself in front of me. Fake flags, I rip through them violently tearing down your scars and strifes. Cowards. I’m still here, go run for the hills, and tell em you saw it. Tell em your story. My story. I’ll only be stronger by the end of this, harder to approach with games I play only reluctantly now because I must. Squaks from dying pigeons that claim they can sing, when they see the symphonie. I bang like tympani’s tuned to roar out for centuries to drown out their torturous noise. I shut it out, and cut it up, and leave the knife sitting out where you can see my fingerprints. Ive got nothing to hide. Diligence loses me in the fury of a futile defense. Attack if you wish, it’s yours to take the risk.

94 From Toronto

I only want to kiss your lips. 

I only want to taste your squizzle.

I only want to share my secretes with you. 

I only want to look better for you. 

I only want to feel free inside of you. 

I only want to watch us smile in pictures.

I only want to be strong enough to let you go. 

I only wanna not hate you for doing this to me. 

I only wanna leave you when I have to. 

I only wanna come back to the bed you sleep in. 

I only wanna drink the tea you brew.  

I only wanna be your vanilla chai. 

I only wanna sing songs about our love. 

I only wanna cry when you hurt me. 

I only wanna get fresh to compliment you when we go out. 

I only think we look fly standing next to each other. 

I only wanna call you a bitch when you are. 

I only wanna spend money on things that make you smile. 

I only wanna compare you to every other girl that never made it. 

I only wanna kill anyone who would hurt you. 

I only wanna kill you when you don’t wanna be with me. 

I’m only crazy because I love you. 

I only love you because I’m crazy. 

I only wanna experiment with highs, and avoid lows when we can.  

I only wanna argue when we’ll have sex afterwards. 

I only wanna smash cell phones against walls when your on the other line. 

I only wanna talk to you on smart phones, and never again on instant messanger. 

I only want you to not walk away every other month. 

I only wanna stop begging you to stay every other month. 

I only want your family to stop hating on facebook.  

I only want more men in your life than women with no men. 

I only wanna be cool with jeff. 

I only want you to be cool with cheryle. 

I only want you to follow me where I go. 

I only want you to get your career going so I can follow you. 

I only want you to graduate.  

I only want you to get over her. 

I only want you to get over yourself. 

I only think you’re the best. 

I only think you’re the worst. 

I only wanna hate you till you die. 

I only wanna cut you off like she did me. 

I only wanna get you pregenant and trap you. 

I only want Brooklyn to have a backyard to chase birds in. 

I only wanna smell sex on Egyptian cotton sheets. 

I only want us to last. 

I only wanna get over you.  

I only want focus. 

I only want diligence. 

I only want Chicago. 

I only want Detroit. 

I only want New Orleans. 

I only want New York for you. 

I only don’t give a fuck what anyone who reads this thinks. 

I only think that we can work. 

I only think that long distance doesn’t. 

I only think you’re such a girl. 

I only think I’m cold cuz I need to be sometimes. 

I only think everyone thinks they know everything. 

I only think we know better. 

I only think your scared. 

I only think I’m a lot. 

I only think I shoulda  never kissed you back that night. 

I’m only so glad that I did. 

I only know our past is dark. 

I only know that right now is fragile. 

I only know the future is what we make it. 

I only want matching stamps in our passports.  

I only wanna dip you in sunshine when the moons out. 

I only see the stars when I look into your eyes. 

I only think that you’re the love of my life. 

I only got the tattoo cuz I was scared you wouldn’t if I waited. 

I’ve only got a little bit more to go. 

I only think you should think again…again. 

I only wanna hurt for a day if you don’t.  

I only love you cause I’m crazy. 

I’m only crazy cuz I love you. 

No Home In My Bed

Happy songs. 

No matter the tune, fill the air on wafts of comfort.

Surrounds me. Sorrowless now. 

Trickles in the distance, down rocks into the grass piano. 

Safety and serenity flit on the wings of extinction defying gravity still. Buzz. 

No ringing in my palm, or on my fingertips struggling. 

Dreams are forgotten but not lost. Never lost. 

I still hear her voice calling me inside from sidewalk sketches.

I love in this memory now. 

Only this memory from which I came, can bring me back to now.  

The toll road is too far to pay as you go. Chasing pavements is a losing game. 

My patriotism keeps me from accepting such a foreign concept. 

The sunlight beams off the crest of my flag as it waves proudly high in the sky. 

My soldier’s eternal, and the fight is won..for now.

 Carry on in spite of me. Carry on. 

Pleasant Mountain

Whatwhatwhat is there to say when the mp is out of reach, and the  mics are off? While the instrumental plays over in the car stereo speakers that are hooked into your ears drums, bangin like Africa around the fire. The villagers look on as you pause in hesitation. Wars coming, and you missed out on your training. Now what’s left is the blood from raining memories desolved into lonliness.  Rising down, finding the roots and following them to the center of the earth. And back. Skylines transform into grassy parking lots where trees loom over a ground that has no where to go. And I have nowhere to flow, so I’ll evaporate into the clouds. River dancing is for the stage, and I’m in the audience still. The curtain is curdled with the singe of soy, unsettled and sticking to my stomach. Broomstick dreams, and bed knobs turn for her. She’s welcom where I sleep, and where death sneaks in. The lesson plan is jaded, and fear is all but faded. 

Long Distance Love

Bullshit. 
Stubbornness. 
Insensitivity. 
Miscommunication. 
Digital argumentation. 
Confrontation calls. 
Misleading words and phrases messages missed.
Green is suppressing the color in my anger. 
Sleep escapes me to paradises unknown, while patience goes unrewarded. 
Paradise is paradox. 
Paradigm shift, overload of emotion drove through bedroom window. Slipped in between the rain drops out towards the lake. 
Senseless. 
Square immges on top of my desk, visualize my attacker. See my help in front of me. Barbeques and family differences, nice words lost to tart tongues.
Interface malfunction. 
Brickwalls before we can see whats behind door number 2. 
Passionate? Hardly? Unless you count all the time sickness creeps into the mouse hole and burrows out. His cheese will be eaten by the other one waiting for him to look away at the right moment.
Underline the point in red, then I’ll know what to spell check. 
I had a pretty good time actually. 
Translation denied, call refused. 
All about the sanyo slayer, the sanyo slayings this weekend made headlines. In print on every corner and newsstand. 
Another one bites the dust. 
But we’ll read it and forget. Keep on ordering lunch specials. 
The time it took to look over the bar at the screen wasn’t long enough to make a meal. 
Back to coffee, and waking with disgruntled countenace. 
Same day the same way. Same pay. 
The delightful reassurance that we know we can get over the long distance. Love.Lon

Requiem Wordsong

What really is this lament of mine? 

I think it’s the fear in my heart. The stuff that’s not suppose to be there. Those pesky feelings of limitations. Oh hindrances. 

Of the inevitable authority trying to regulate my creativity.  They want to lock me down. And you too. I lament about that.

 I cry for all the love this life will never experience, that this flesh will never feel fresh against itself. For all the waterfalls I’ll never dive off, or under.  Those meeting places with only one some there. 

For the ringing in my ear, the siren piercing constant sound of madness? Of control!? Of foreign concepts and theories the likes of which my mind cannot yet grasp!?!? It plays steady now, and even steadier still! As if to remind me of something. Varying slightly only like a relocation of an itch, and inch over. Just, still there. 

I clench my fist at that. I arm myself for them. 

Yet I can’t seem to keep my weapon drawn on you. Atleast not long enough to capture your true beauty  splattered against papyrus full with intent to receive it’s image of you.

 All the songs, are gone. Sunrise 626 was one calling back to it's lost kindred. 

Our souls will chase each other out the window. I weep for the unpleasant landings. And for the pain the unpleasantries won’t have to feel, won’t even welcome. 

Scars are crown. Stregnth and resilience are royal sensibilities that we shall aquire on this, our journey to the other side of the game. 

Why is what I have for winners and losers. For you and I, and everyone like me and us.  

For the shadow behind my reflection.

 For the lonely lines looming over me. 

For you. 

For your eyes, like prisms of passion. I’d just as surely bathe in your tears, like the cleanse warm waters of  a pure pain. For leisure. 

I weep for the security of  the world inside my bedroom, where from platforms of darkness I helm these calls out to you. For the echos that don’t make it back. For the breathe that fails my refrain. 

For the smiles I’ll never see on yours or their faces. For the tools that will gather dust in corners, rather than  build and bridge and boast. 

For the sinful moments of my riotus humanity trying to better itself, and not succeeding.  

I do want you, however, to cry for me.

 Perhaps I could be your lament, perhaps I could be your pausing concern. Perhaps there is reason to be afraid after all. 

After all.

 After all. 

After all. 

While three plays again 

and again, 

and again. 

My lament of love is for that.

 Is for her. 

Is for you.

 Is for me. 

Is for them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Dedicated to the LoverThinker In YOU

Broadcasting live from the radio land station in the big bowl of a sky pie.  That’s right. From right here. Right there.

When is the offering worth the time it takes to get up out of your pew? When it feels good because there’s something in your pocket to give? Or cuz you feel the something in the gift. It’s the giving of the gift that’s the gift. That there is always a gift to give. The gift of love. The love you have inside of you always. Often it’s shrouded. Covered and Cloaked in pity, in those uncounsious mistakes that plague your every next step, until your steps are “every next step…?!?!” Somethin’s coming, somethings happening. No! Nothings happenening that isn’t YOU happening! Being, Doing. DOING! Are we human beings, or human doings? If love is an active force, than our lives are doings. We are a result of the impetus, of the origin. The love is life.

What if it was you? …..??

Get over. Get over, get over there…where I’ can see you and follow. Where I can fix my eyes on your footsteps and walk in them until my feet won’t fit. Till I can’t measure my heights to yours because they are the same. Till I can’t look down, or up at you with my heart, or my weary lonesome ego that’s been working to keep me from myself…and from you.

If this is what I am to be known for, then I will give it freely. If this is to be my claim, my worth, then take it!! Force my hand lest I surrender it to you at will!

Charity!!!! You better give it somebody. Cuz what about what I need??