"I Bet You're Wonderin' Where I've Been..."

Keep me for yourself. I'll have you instead.

Every night I die. Living life as Martyr. You will be my flag bearers, and t shirt wearers. Struggle songs will ring out in my name, for my namesake. Art and intoxication are of my own grand design, spelled out on graph and staff paper for the publisher to distribute. He is me too. Mr. Mi.2.

Don’t think I’ve forgotten about our mischeives, and indeeds. Fuel is old school, and I just need the real thing sunlight in my eyes to see a brighter day. No empty call log can keep me away from you truly. I visit all the time in my mind, and am usually greeted with open arms, so don’t say you don’t miss me for the love you give me just the same.

My nomad travels will take me around the world in 80 ways, but no hot air can keep the glare from your stare off the back of my brain. You’re always there. Making me what I am destined to be.

A treasure on the other side of the rainbow is what I’ll find and bring home to split amongst us honorable theives. But till then, my, how the colors bend, and how I’m lost in the lulling fall of the leaves.

Hero children rejoice! Let not your worries be of my woe. I’ll carry these blunders. My feet will trod wonders, through thunderstorm tempests and snow. I’ve much more to learn, yet when I return I’ll have with me something to show.

My journey is not in vain, pray your prayers will reach me and teach me of how compassion and friendship is more diligent than any technology can deliver. For “in life as in battle, honor is paramount.”, and therefore I will charge on into the fray, for you, and for us come what may.

‘Autumn Leaves’. ‘September in the Rain’. ‘Days of Wine and Roses’. Sad loves songs to compliment the pain. But none is sadder than my own refrain, yet still I’ll sing, till we’re together once again.

Yours Forever and Today, I’ll Remain.

....+...

The deserving of love are the undeserving of it. Of this I’m sure.

The light comes on that much brighter inside the moment that its been turned on from being off for so long.

I’ve been living in the broken silence of darkness and heartbreak. Learning all the corners of my lonely soul with blind eyes, and an open mind. What I’ve found is that I know this thing a little better.

Some of it comes from feeling it. From hurting. And knowing why the hurt helps.

Some of it comes from wanting better, and willing myself to strive to be honorable enough of a man that god wills it for me as well.

I’m resilient because I’ve been cloaked in loves royal robes and know what burdens become armor in the end.

My ears, arms, lips, and loins have been deprived of your replys and so I drink your words down hard, cut with anxiety and excitement, and chase it with a tear drop shot...

Not knowing whether it’s closing time, or if the party just started. But “I know who I want to take me home…”

Happy Halloween

What can come of a forced happiness? Not much worth taking home, or to north carolina evidently. Lonliness still finds me, and wins me occasionally and now. Fights are getting old, but ill keep it up till I wont have to. Till im figgin neo, and the matrix folds over onto itself. Cant let em spill my blood unless I want them to, and even then I wont go easily. You cant keep me from this. You cant keep me from here. Take my lady and my love, and my motivation, but never my will to create. To discover. I’ll be a poor prolific some bitch before there’ll be sky that I don’t emit my genius into. That’s right I said it. A hag. A whore. A beggar, and a blind man, but a genius says I. Crippled by his own devices. Standing on wet feet from scrathing my ears with my toes. They’re looking for him now. But he’s not there. I’m here, and I’m not him. I told you you wont find me in the same place twice EVER! I’m learning languages, and techniques to talk you into tasting my talons. Die bitches. Fuckers wanna bury me under the contracts of a soul signed away for false dreams. I’m not him! I’ll settle his debt to honor his memory, but he’s gone!!! I tell you now. Fear has fixed itself in front of me. Fake flags, I rip through them violently tearing down your scars and strifes. Cowards. I’m still here, go run for the hills, and tell em you saw it. Tell em your story. My story. I’ll only be stronger by the end of this, harder to approach with games I play only reluctantly now because I must. Squaks from dying pigeons that claim they can sing, when they see the symphonie. I bang like tympani’s tuned to roar out for centuries to drown out their torturous noise. I shut it out, and cut it up, and leave the knife sitting out where you can see my fingerprints. Ive got nothing to hide. Diligence loses me in the fury of a futile defense. Attack if you wish, it’s yours to take the risk.

94 From Toronto

I only want to kiss your lips. 

I only want to taste your squizzle.

I only want to share my secretes with you. 

I only want to look better for you. 

I only want to feel free inside of you. 

I only want to watch us smile in pictures.

I only want to be strong enough to let you go. 

I only wanna not hate you for doing this to me. 

I only wanna leave you when I have to. 

I only wanna come back to the bed you sleep in. 

I only wanna drink the tea you brew.  

I only wanna be your vanilla chai. 

I only wanna sing songs about our love. 

I only wanna cry when you hurt me. 

I only wanna get fresh to compliment you when we go out. 

I only think we look fly standing next to each other. 

I only wanna call you a bitch when you are. 

I only wanna spend money on things that make you smile. 

I only wanna compare you to every other girl that never made it. 

I only wanna kill anyone who would hurt you. 

I only wanna kill you when you don’t wanna be with me. 

I’m only crazy because I love you. 

I only love you because I’m crazy. 

I only wanna experiment with highs, and avoid lows when we can.  

I only wanna argue when we’ll have sex afterwards. 

I only wanna smash cell phones against walls when your on the other line. 

I only wanna talk to you on smart phones, and never again on instant messanger. 

I only want you to not walk away every other month. 

I only wanna stop begging you to stay every other month. 

I only want your family to stop hating on facebook.  

I only want more men in your life than women with no men. 

I only wanna be cool with jeff. 

I only want you to be cool with cheryle. 

I only want you to follow me where I go. 

I only want you to get your career going so I can follow you. 

I only want you to graduate.  

I only want you to get over her. 

I only want you to get over yourself. 

I only think you’re the best. 

I only think you’re the worst. 

I only wanna hate you till you die. 

I only wanna cut you off like she did me. 

I only wanna get you pregenant and trap you. 

I only want Brooklyn to have a backyard to chase birds in. 

I only wanna smell sex on Egyptian cotton sheets. 

I only want us to last. 

I only wanna get over you.  

I only want focus. 

I only want diligence. 

I only want Chicago. 

I only want Detroit. 

I only want New Orleans. 

I only want New York for you. 

I only don’t give a fuck what anyone who reads this thinks. 

I only think that we can work. 

I only think that long distance doesn’t. 

I only think you’re such a girl. 

I only think I’m cold cuz I need to be sometimes. 

I only think everyone thinks they know everything. 

I only think we know better. 

I only think your scared. 

I only think I’m a lot. 

I only think I shoulda  never kissed you back that night. 

I’m only so glad that I did. 

I only know our past is dark. 

I only know that right now is fragile. 

I only know the future is what we make it. 

I only want matching stamps in our passports.  

I only wanna dip you in sunshine when the moons out. 

I only see the stars when I look into your eyes. 

I only think that you’re the love of my life. 

I only got the tattoo cuz I was scared you wouldn’t if I waited. 

I’ve only got a little bit more to go. 

I only think you should think again…again. 

I only wanna hurt for a day if you don’t.  

I only love you cause I’m crazy. 

I’m only crazy cuz I love you. 

No Home In My Bed

Happy songs. 

No matter the tune, fill the air on wafts of comfort.

Surrounds me. Sorrowless now. 

Trickles in the distance, down rocks into the grass piano. 

Safety and serenity flit on the wings of extinction defying gravity still. Buzz. 

No ringing in my palm, or on my fingertips struggling. 

Dreams are forgotten but not lost. Never lost. 

I still hear her voice calling me inside from sidewalk sketches.

I love in this memory now. 

Only this memory from which I came, can bring me back to now.  

The toll road is too far to pay as you go. Chasing pavements is a losing game. 

My patriotism keeps me from accepting such a foreign concept. 

The sunlight beams off the crest of my flag as it waves proudly high in the sky. 

My soldier’s eternal, and the fight is won..for now.

 Carry on in spite of me. Carry on. 

Pleasant Mountain

Whatwhatwhat is there to say when the mp is out of reach, and the  mics are off? While the instrumental plays over in the car stereo speakers that are hooked into your ears drums, bangin like Africa around the fire. The villagers look on as you pause in hesitation. Wars coming, and you missed out on your training. Now what’s left is the blood from raining memories desolved into lonliness.  Rising down, finding the roots and following them to the center of the earth. And back. Skylines transform into grassy parking lots where trees loom over a ground that has no where to go. And I have nowhere to flow, so I’ll evaporate into the clouds. River dancing is for the stage, and I’m in the audience still. The curtain is curdled with the singe of soy, unsettled and sticking to my stomach. Broomstick dreams, and bed knobs turn for her. She’s welcom where I sleep, and where death sneaks in. The lesson plan is jaded, and fear is all but faded. 

Long Distance Love

Bullshit. 
Stubbornness. 
Insensitivity. 
Miscommunication. 
Digital argumentation. 
Confrontation calls. 
Misleading words and phrases messages missed.
Green is suppressing the color in my anger. 
Sleep escapes me to paradises unknown, while patience goes unrewarded. 
Paradise is paradox. 
Paradigm shift, overload of emotion drove through bedroom window. Slipped in between the rain drops out towards the lake. 
Senseless. 
Square immges on top of my desk, visualize my attacker. See my help in front of me. Barbeques and family differences, nice words lost to tart tongues.
Interface malfunction. 
Brickwalls before we can see whats behind door number 2. 
Passionate? Hardly? Unless you count all the time sickness creeps into the mouse hole and burrows out. His cheese will be eaten by the other one waiting for him to look away at the right moment.
Underline the point in red, then I’ll know what to spell check. 
I had a pretty good time actually. 
Translation denied, call refused. 
All about the sanyo slayer, the sanyo slayings this weekend made headlines. In print on every corner and newsstand. 
Another one bites the dust. 
But we’ll read it and forget. Keep on ordering lunch specials. 
The time it took to look over the bar at the screen wasn’t long enough to make a meal. 
Back to coffee, and waking with disgruntled countenace. 
Same day the same way. Same pay. 
The delightful reassurance that we know we can get over the long distance. Love.Lon